The Wizard of Oz

Hello,

It’s about time for another update. I know it has been a while (again), but a lot has been happening. It’s a hard life I tell you, going from the humid yet sunny climate of Cairns, over to the arid and hot (apparently it's cold for the area) of Alice Springs and Ayres rock, down to Melbourne where the weather is much like the end of Spring back in the UK.

Enough of that,

Here we go.

Day 105

I booked my diving with the Cairns Dive Centre. The cost was about 110 pounds for a 4-day budget course. But, because it was the low season, I had a free upgrade to include one night accommodation on the barrier reef in their boat. Marvelous. Only one problem though, I wanted to start it tomorrow, but it was a bank holiday, so I’d have to wait until Tuesday to do it. After this, I basically wasted the rest of my day and arranged to meet Jamie up tomorrow.

Day 106

It was a bank holiday today, but most places were still open. I wandered down to town to meet Jamie up (after booking my plane ticket to Ayres Rock) by the lagoon where she had been nursing a hangover and doing a spot of sunbathing. We went for a drink and a pub lunch and had a little stroll around. After which, I made my way back to get some rest for the start of the course tomorrow

Day 107

The start of the course was good. We all went to the shop and paid, then went in to the classroom to start our theory, while watching a DVD that gave us no answers to the exercises we were doing. After doing out bit of studying, it was time for the doctors check. The guy who I was sitting next to was from Bristol whose name was Ben, and he accompanied me to the doctors room. We did a breath test, balance check (he started laughing at me during this, as I almost fell over), then a heart and blood pressure check. I passed with flying colors (I know, I’m surprised too) and went back in to finish my lunch. Once everyone had had their checks and lunch, it was time to go in to the swimming pool to do our general swimming test. 200 meters around the pool followed 15 minutes of treading water. During the treading water, we all got acquainted with each other. There were a few brits, but quite a lot of Germans and a couple of yanks. We then did some diving using our snorkels and practiced how to dive using our fins properly. Now it was time to get to know how to use our gear. Buddy checks, air tests, etc. Then we got to try it out, getting used to the breathing techniques. It was all good. We finished all this by about 4:30, and I was tired, and there was to be an early pick-up in the morning at 7:30am. Shocking. This stopped me from meeting up Jamie for a couple of jars that night, as you dehydrate very quickly using the air from the tanks I can tell you!! So, it was an early night for me.

Day 108

7:30 pick up, felt like death, don’t know what I’m going to be like when I get back home. It was a cool morning and we went to the classroom first to do some more theory. Once all done, we went in to the pool at around 9am. We started doing our skills of clearing our masks, retrieving our breathing apparatus (or 2nd stage), emergency ascents and other various bits and bobs. All our training in the swimming pool was now complete. We then went back in to the classroom to finish off our theory ready for our test (which we needed 80% to pass) early the following morning. Once back, it was a relaxing evening, a little study, and got everything ready for the following day as I would be spending tomorrow night on the boat.

Day 109

Another 7:30 pick up. Did our tests, I got 94% by the way, it was easy though, multiple choice and stuff. After that we got taken down to the port and boarded a boat to be taken to the yacht that we would be staying on while completing our open water training. It took a good 1¾ hours to get there, so it was a prime opportunity to get some sleep. We got to the boat, dropped our bags off, got a briefing as to what we would be doing, then had some lunch. After lunch we got kitted out in all the stuff we needed. Then it was time for our first dive. The first dive would be a fun dive with just basic techniques being used. It was quite surprising how quickly you use the air up. Anyway, we saw some of the wildlife, which was very exciting. After a sit for a few hours on the boat (it had moved to another location) it was time for our 2nd dive. I fucked this one up. It was all going fine, and then I had to do my second technique of retrieving my breathing device. I got it, breathed a shit load of sea water in to my mouth before getting it in my mouth, swallowed it, panicked, tried breathing through my nose, my mask filled up and I shit if for the surface. Lucky for me we weren’t that deep (7 1/2 meters), I breathed out while going to the surface (I could have had air bubbles go in to my blood stream if I had air in my lungs due to expansion of air as you go up) and I wasn’t in any shock, I just coughed up a little water. The instructor came up after me, checked that I was ok, and I made my way back to the boat, feeling very disappointed by myself, and feeling that I had let the group down a little. I had a shower when back on board, and everyone was very supportive, and the instructor checked that I was ok to go back down the next day. I said “Yeah I’m fine. I paid for this, I’ll be fucked if I’m not going to get it”, he laughed. The group and myself chilled for the rest of the night, and it was early to bed as we were to have our next dive early the following day.

Day 110

Our first dive was at 6am, and it was a fun dive. So we went through some covered reef, saw some turtles, sharks and stuff. It was good to get my confidence back in the water before the next dive, as I knew I’d have to do what I didn’t do yesterday again. After the first dive, we had some breakfast, which I threw up. It was baked beans, nasty baked beans. We had now moved to another location and it was time for our 2nd dive. I was a little apprehensive, and was last in the group to do the skills, but I completed then successfully and the instructor told me later on that lots of people wouldn’t go in after what happened the following day. I felt good now, maybe a little bit proud. The third dive of the day (all before lunch) was our own fun dive. Me and my buddy and another couple of people decided to go somewhere to try and attract some sharks. We didn’t accomplish this, but we saw 3 turtles, giant clams, fresh parts of reef, some underwater gorges and much much more that I can’t remember right now. I went down to a depth of nearly 20 meters, doesn’t sound far, but it is. It was great fun. We then had lunch on the boat, and chilled until the boat came to pick us up to take us back to land. There were some storms on the way back, the weather totally different to that on the reef. What an experience. Once back at my place, I chilled, packed everything ready to leave in the morning.

Day 111

Checked out, and made my way to the airport to get my flight to Alice Springs. Just waited around in the airport as there was a short delay, but eventually boarded. The flight went smoothly (not like the one that crashed just north of Cairns that day), and we touched down in Alice on schedule. A rep from the hostel I had arranged to stay in met me up, we waited for everyone to get their stuff, then we headed to the hostel. While in the hostel I arranged to go on the 3 day, 2 night tour of Ayres rock for about 100 quid. This seemed like the best thing to do and there wasn’t much room left, so the reason to come here was now sorted. Still feeling tired, I then had an early night.

Day 112

Had a late morning. I went and bought a water bottle for the trip and the hostel arranged my train to Melbourne for the day after getting back from the trip. Everything was going to plan.

Day 113

A 6:30 pick up from the hostel, now time to check out who all these new people were. Our guide was a South African who had been doing this job for 2 years who seemed to love his job. A younger tour guide who was learning about the tour accompanied him. The group was mainly made up of Irish (both republic and northern) and English, with one German and one Japanese. I was the only Welsh person on the tour. First stop on the tour was the camel ranch where we would have a ride on a……….guess what……….camel!! Tell you what, camel shit stinks, and riding them really hurts if you’re male (if you know what I mean). Anyway, today, there was a lot of driving. So it was a good opportunity to get to know some of the folks, and a thoroughly nice bunch of people they were to. Our next stop was Kings Canyon, which had a nice hike involved. It was a little bit of a tiring walk, but very good for the chest all the same. Got some stunning views and our guide gave us some interesting insights. He seemed to like talking quite a lot of bullshit to see if people bit, he told us that he would do this on the bus; so all of us were slightly skeptical as to what was true and stuff. Anyway, after this it was time to try some “bush tucker”. I wasn’t going to try any, but this English dude Jim did. It looked gross, but apparently tasted like almonds, I wasn’t about to find out either!! Next stop was the off license (or bottle shop as they call them over here) to pick up some booze. A few crates of Toohey’s new and we were off to the campsite. We were asked to go get some firewood to make a fire, and we all did so. It was fun, and we saw a stunning sunset while doing so. Then the guides prepared the dinner, some camel chili con carne. Very nice it was to; lucky I could look at it while eating. Some people did the washing up while some of us started drinking, telling crappy jokes, stories and discussing various important issues for example: “Is that Vincent Gallo a genius or a arrogant prick?”, everyone went for the latter. Anyway, all of the ladies went to bed early, so the boys stayed up a little longer to tell some jokes. Slightly drunk I went in to my “Swag” for the night. After a few hours kip, some of the Irish girls started punching me, telling me to stop snoring, I couldn’t and they moved away. Awesome.

Day 114

Got woken up by the guide at 5:30 for breakfast. Jim went off with the spade and toilet paper to take a dump, which was quite funny. The Irish girls who were kept up by my snoring weren’t in such a jovial mood though. Bloody women. Then I helped put the sleeping bags and swags back on to the trailer (anything to prevent myself from preparing food or doing washing up) as we set off to our next destination, the Olga’s. This was quite majestic, I took some awesome photos and we had a good walk around them. We then set off to see the cultural visitors center followed by sunset at Ayres rock. It was glorious. The area of Ayres rock hadn’t had rain in over a year, and of course, it rained at for us. Beer in hand, I managed to get a picture of a rainbow going across the top of the rock, shame I couldn’t get the double rainbow. Anyway, as we made our way back, food was ready. Time for another beer, ate some pasta chicken thing, and then watched as a streeker ran after one of the busses in the car park. It was a little bit odd. Anyway, we then motored towards our camping grounds. Another group from the same company were staying near by. Again, we had to go out and get some fire wood. Then, came some tribal warfare. It was us against the other group, trying to steal stuff off each other or trying to put out each others fire. Great fun. I ankle tapped the leader of the other group while our guide was on his back, hilarious. Anyway, that eventually dies down after we thieved their fuel. Good stuff. One of the guys, called James, and I stayed up till really late drinking. Some of the ladies had obviously had some drinks as they were now the ones snoring. Anyway, we bugged the shit out of them by talking all the time, loudly. Ha ha.

Day 115

Another early start (about 5am) and we set off to see sunrise at the rock. It was beautiful. Had breakfast there and then set off to do a walk around the base. After the base walk it was time for the long drive back. Lots of people caught up on sleep, I couldn’t, so Jim, myself and some other people played some games to while away the time. Eventually we got back, everyone scuttled off to their rooms for a well-deserved shower and change of clothes. We arranged to meet for dinner as a group. So a shower, little rest, check on e-mail and then it was time to venture to the bar for food and drinks. The food was good and everyone was having a good time. Then the issue as to what we were going to do later came up. Everyone decided to go to this boozer in Alice Springs call “Bo jangles” or something. I tried to get out of it, but they twisted my arm, you know, I had to be asked twice. Off we went. A good night out was had by all. I managed to hurt my arms while trying to give some of the girls piggybacks on the way home, it was quite funny. As were many of the “Bogans” or “Bevans” that were in the boozer. Quality. When we got back to the hostel, in the early hours, we hung around the kitchen area. We were making a little noise and this French woman came out complaining. Jim said some bollocks in French to her and she went away. She came back again about 30 mins later, and I think she then started phoning reception to make complaints. Isn’t it unlike the French to be a whining bunch of bastards. Anyway, I managed to make it back to my room by 5:30 am, now totally shattered.

Day 116

Got up bright and early, as I had to be checked out by 10am. Hung around the hostel till our pick up was ready to go to the train station. Said my goodbyes to people from the group. Got on the train and found I was sitting next to three jolly nice people from Leicester (2 girls and 1 guy) who were at Ayres Rock with me. Bloody marvelous. I sat next to one of the girls and we chatted for the journey and just generally relaxed. She had managed to pick up bed bugs from somewhere, which looked quite nasty. Anyway, this was a long journey, and I could hardly get any sleep on the thing.

Day 117

We arrived in Adelaide on schedule. I said goodbye to the kindly people from Leicester, as this was where they were getting off. I went to the platform to get my connecting train to Melbourne. This was the last leg or the train journey. This was a far easier journey, I relaxed well, even managed to get some sleep. As I was waiting for the train though, this guy came up to me and started talking to me about how much money he had made from drugs, and how to make certain types of hash. How do I attract these people I asked, as I humored him. Anyway, Amy was meeting me at the station at 9pm, so it’d be nice to see a familiar face in a new city. We arrived on schedule and I picked up my bag and met up Amy. She had parked quite a way from the station, so we had a little chat on the way to her car. Once we got back to her house (which she shares with 3 other people), we had a few glasses of wine and watched a film. A very funny film called “Van Wilder”, well I thought it was funny anyway. After that, it was time for bed.

Day 118

Up slightly late, so we went for breakfast and discussed what to do over the weekend. We decided to go along the “Great Ocean Road”, then stay the night and make our way back the following day. So that’s exactly what we did. It was a gorgeous drive, with some spectacular pieces of coastline. We finished our days travel at the 12 apostles rock formations. The light wasn’t that great, so I’ll probably just copy a picture off the web somewhere. Anyway, we then made our way to a little motel and stayed the night. It was very relaxing.

Day 119

Went to the gorge site, then made our way back going a different route. The weather wasn’t that good, so there was no point in going back along the ocean road. After getting back, we went shopping for groceries and Amy cooked some mushroom sauce with chicken and rice. It was very nice and time for an early night.

Day 120

I went in to the city, had a walk around. This Melbourne weather is pretty cold at the moment. I went to the Australian Film Centre and looked at some of the exhibits. Then, I had to get a top because I was cold, so I bought a little jogging top. After that I went to the Museum of Immigration, which was very interesting. It was nice to see an unbiased view for a national museum. In the evening, Amy escorted me around St Kilda and riverfront.

Day 121

Today was a waste, but it needed to be done. I caught up on my laundry and e-mails. In the afternoon I went shopping for the ingredients to make Amy a slap up dinner. I spent the evening prepping the meal, and then cooked it, and it was splendid.

Day 122

I went to the botanic gardens, which were very nice indeed. I then made my way back as I needed to let Amy’s sister in when she arrived. Amy and her sister were off to see Tori Amos in concert so I had arranged to meet James (dude from Ayres Rock) up for a few bevies. Well, we got a little smashed on wife beater, which was nice. Then Amy and her Sis turned up for a few and then we headed home.

Day 123

I went to the National Gallery that has only recently been re-opened. I saw a beautiful gallery of Japanese art, as well as the resident gallery, which included some Francis Bacon and David Hopkin. There were some pretentious multi-media galleries there as well which I laughed at. Is it me who’s pretentious or the art, I don’t know. Anyway, had a walk around the area for a bit and then made my way across town to meet Amy and some of her former work mates for a tipple. After meeting them (2 ladies and a rather “friendly” Englishman), we went to where we’d go and watch the new Star Wars film. Amy went and bought her mum a gift then we made our way to the cinema. We hadn’t eaten, so we got a Chinese and carried it in to the cinema. We totally stunk the place out, but no-one told us off, which was good. The film was awesome, but I did start laughing hysterically at one point. I think people think I was crying because I was upset, but no, it was from Darth Vader going “Noooooooooooooo”, when finding out that his wife had copped it. Anyway, very entertaining stuff.

Day 124

I got up late, real late. Just went for a walk and got some food. Amy and I went to an Aussie Rules match at the Telstra Dome. The match was between Adelaide and St. Kilda. It was an interesting game, and I tell you what, these boys can kick a ball very far!! St. Kilda got a total wasting, they didn’t even score in the last quarter.

Day 125

Today, after Amy had been to work, we were going to visit her parents in the country as it was her mums birthday. So, not to be rude, I ventured in to town in the morning and bought her a gift. While in town I got myself booked on a flight to Sydney for the coming Wednesday. All sorted. Amy came back and we started the 2 hour odd journey to her parents place near Yarram. Once we were there, Amy made all of us a Thai curry that was delicious. We stayed up and watched some TV, but everyone went to bed while I stayed up to watch the FA cup Final. Man Utd were robbed, but everyone knows that.

Day 126

Amy took me for a drive to the national park near by and I saw some water falls, and we did a scenic walk. After lunch we drove by her old high school, a place called Port Albert (not Port Talbot, as I thought she said), then we called in on her sister. We had a cuppa there and just chilled. Then we picked up our stuff and made our way back to the big smoke. Once back, we got a take out and rented out “Team America: World Police”. All was well, and it was time for sleep.


So that takes me up to today, where I have wasted about 3 hours typing this shit up. Hope you appreciate it. More coming soon. Next stop Sydney, then on to New Zealand for Skiing (in June, isn’t that class) and the British Lions!!